🖊️ The Comfort of Knowing

To: (123) 456-7890 -- From: Raven

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Song: [Fire on Fire - Sam Smith]

Book: [Last Night at the Telegraph Club - Malinda Lo]

Keywords: [girlfriends, no-contact, trips]

My girlfriend is going on a 3-week trip tomorrow night, during which we will have no contact with each other. It's going to be the first time that we'll have gone without texting in the 2+ months we've been together... safe to say we're both a little nervous. We've been preparing for this for weeks, both individually and together, but I'm not sure how one prepares for going no-contact with their partner the night before when they're all alone with the stars.

I'd like to preface: She's going to have an amazing time, and I'm so, so excited for her :) She gets to spend 3 weeks in Denmark making beautiful, deep connections with people from around the globe, forming bonds and learning about peace and activism. I love how passionate she is about human rights, peace, and exploring the world!

Along with that though, comes the no-contact bit. And I've spent weeks thinking about this, and only tonight do I think I've really started to understand why this is going to be so difficult. It's not that I can't live without her; I've been surviving on my own for much longer than we've been together. I think it's more that she is my refuge from the world, my safe haven, my light at the end of the tunnel.

I think when you have a partner, they become the person that you can share all parts of yourself with. The best partners are the ones who will take all the parts of you that you've shown them and love every single one as its own beautiful and unique concept. But because of this connection and validation, you become dependent on them. You get used to having this person with whom you can share the mundane little things throughout your day that make you happy, like how your shirt looks tucked into your shorts or that little zing of euphoria you feel about the length of your hair. And that's not a bad thing; the connection partners share with each other is one of the most beautiful things I've ever gotten the privilege of experiencing. But it comes with challenges - see: going no-contact for 3 weeks.

'Cause now you've gotten used to having a person who loves every part of you, whom you can go to with any feeling or idea at any time of the day or night. And then you're suddenly deprived of that person, and there's no one else who even comes close to giving you that same sense of safety. And of course they're going to come back; the beautiful thing about time is that it always keeps moving. But as humans, we take comfort in knowing. Knowing that our lungs take the air we breathe and use it to keep us alive. Knowing that the Earth will keep turning and the Sun will keep our planet warm. Knowing that if we do need them, our partner is only a text away. That if something happens we and think of them, we can let them know and they'll respond. That if they think of us, they'll let us know and we'll smile and our day will be that little bit brighter because they're sharing their life with us.

So yes, I'm so excited for my girlfriend to go on her trip and have these amazing experiences that will give her life-long memories and skills. I'm looking forward to hearing all about it for weeks afterwards once she comes home, her eyes sparkling with happiness and her heart full of stories to share over long Zoom calls and dates in the park. But losing my partner, the person I have chosen to share this chapter of my life with, even for a relatively short period of time, is a daunting experience that I'm going to have to be ready for.

[I love you, my princess. Enjoy your trip <3 Your over-thinking girlfriend will be here in the nighttime, dreaming of you :)]

--Raven